holy cow, it's been forever!!

let me just say, i've been a mom for almost 3 months. hence the lack of blogging. DSO is officially Daphne Scott O. she's soooooo pretty. i'll try to post some pictures soon. for now, i'm just happy to be typing, finally!!!

it's been an INCREDIBLY tough road. like, "why in the heck did we decide to do this?!?!" tough. but becoming better. the rough days aren't so often. i'm only crying maybe once a week instead of, like, everyday. and i think we have a happy, chatty girl on our hands.

let me start at the beginning. after having to be induced 4 days past my due date, being in pretend labor for 18 hours, having a c-section, being in a recovery room for 6 hours due to blood loss, being put in a room near the OR in case i needed to back in, then finally getting our own room THE NEXT DAY, i should have known the road would be harder than expected.

readers, i was blinded to reality by my pretty, pretty girl.

first off, recovery was a word i shouldn't say. i was finally walking more like me and less like Frankenstein at about 4-5 weeks postpartum. makes for losing weight kinda crappy. chris was AMAZING. he took care of daphne and took care of me like a champion. every single day i praise the Lord for the wonderful husband and father chris is. i have a new found appreciation for single moms and pray for them all the time.

secondly, breastfeeding. another thing that is a word i shouldn't say. at almost 3 months, it's HARD. i keep wondering what it's supposed to feel like. i'm pretty sure i'm not supposed to have sore boobs all day. get ready for some over sharing... between my short nipples, daphne's shallow latch, and lazy suck, nursing can take anywhere between 45 minutes to an hour. with about an hour and a half break (IF i can get her to nap), then we're at it again. i decided to pump and bottle feed her breast milk, but that attempt only lead to my milk supply dropping like crazy. and, the more often daphne got bottles, the more upset she would become. oi. so, we're back at breastfeeding every 2.5 to 3 hours. i will say, i've pretty much made our Netflix subscription beyond worth it. i'm currently watching about 4-5 episodes of Felicity each day. i'm made a conscious decision to enjoy breastfeeding even through the pain and frustration. it's still quite a struggle, but we're getting *a bit* better.

thirdly, naping and a routine. what is that? like, for real. she's been sleeping through the night since about 3 weeks old. yes, i do thank God for that. just in the last 4 weeks or so she's sleep for about 7 hours before i feed her, sleep for another 3 hours, then be up for the day. thus, i'm typing at 6:45am.keep in mind that while she sleeps that long, i still get maybe 5-6 hours of sleep in a 24 period. during the day time, getting her down for a nap pretty much sucks. we have to do all manner of bouncing, rocking, singing, shoving pacifiers in her mouth, swaddling, unswaddling for about 20-30 minutes before she goes down. then i eat, run to the bathroom, drink some water (lots because who know when i can again), cry a little because i'm tired, and pray that she at least sleeps for a half hour. i'm lucky if we can get 2-3 naps out of her. some days, it's just one... needless to say, we're working on these things. we have like 3-4 good days, then she changes the rules on us. such a girl.

although, we may have turned a new leaf. as with everything, though, it's not without drama.

she found her thumb this past saturday. and she likes it. she has gone to sleep on her own at 3 times since her discovery, and even comforts herself back to sleep at night with it. i'm torn. you see, one can take away a pacifier. i can't take away her thumb. i've been trying to pull her thumb out and slip her pacifier in, but it just makes her very, very mad. she's never been a fan of the pacifer, and i'm coming to realize that she really won't like them now. but hey, SHE GOT HERSELF TO SLEEP. i mean, remember what i said one paragraph ago? exactly.

but, you know, i love my little girl. now that we're gotten somewhat better with her feedings an are getting her sleep a bit more, she's really quite a happy little girl with a cheerful disposition. she smiles all the time, and is super chatty. she LOVES to sit and talk to dad, and interact with us. she likes to grab her toys and try to get them into her mouth. she's learning to enjoy tummy time a bit more. she likes to make sure we're looking at her and paying attention to her. and as insane as our life has become, it's starting to feel more and more normal. chris is still learning to be okay with the fact that leaving the house takes at least twice as long as it used to. and that we have to carry all sorts of things with us when we do. but, we're so happy. we have such a cute little family.

i  just keep reminding myself that there's a learning curve to being a mom. and an even bigger one for learning to be alive.

so, i think i'll let you take all of that in, and i'll get something to eat before my crazy and fun day begins.

tomorrow is DSO's due date...

and i'm pretty sure she doesn't know about it. me? oh i know. and i'm pretty much done with being pregnant. we had dinner with my parents and sister this last week, and my sister asked how i was feeling. i looked at her and said, "do you really want to know?" her response, "yes. everything." so i answered, like crap. and my mom said, "oh leilani. you don't feel like that. you just feel kind of heavy!" i looked at them and was like, "okay. i just feel kinda heavy. except the skin on my stomach feels like it's about to rip open. i can't sleep ever. i'm ALWAYS tired. my belly ALWAYS feels like it's about to fall off. i'm tired of being hungry ALL THE TIME. and don't get me started on my special lady parts."

i'm convinced that NO ONE really tells you what being pregnant is really like until you actually are. lame. i'm also convinced that EVERYONE needs to be pregnant at some point just so they can understand what it's like. then again, maybe being 4'10 and pregnant is harder than being, you know, average height and pregnant. darn my lack of height!!!!

one of the biggest thing i've learned about being with child is how to NOT treat pregnant women. you'd think personal space and general common decency wouldn't just disappear when a pregnant woman walks into the room. so, for those of you who don't know, here is a list of things you are never to ask or say to a pregnant woman. sadly, i have said some in the past....

1) wow! you're really getting big!

2) you'll NEVER make it to you're due date?

3) it's just one?

4) you're sure it isn't twins?

5) well, they said it's a boy/girl, but let me tell you about my friend/neighbor/daughter who ended up having the other gender...

6) that is going to be a BIG baby.

7) how are you feeling?

8) are you excited?

9) is dad excited?

10) you look REALLY tired.

11) you know what you should do?

12) well, when i was pregnant....

13) is the baby here yet?

14) is they baby here yet?

15) is the baby here yet?

oh, and my personal favorite, from a random stranger on tuesday night.... do you have any stretchmarks??

and most of these come from friends and family!!! well, except for the ones that come from lame strangers at the AAA office. like that lady who just HAD to tell us about how horrible her period was and how her cramps make her face swell, so she was scared to have babies. yeah. i don't know what happens to people when they see a pregnant lady.... and the belly touching!!! if you're family or friend, or even just ask first, it isn't too bad. but really server from CPK? really???

and all of the twin questions. you think i don't already feel like a huge balloon? now you're telling me that i look so *expletive* huge that there must be twins inside?? oi! or the people that say, that she's gonna be huge. hey, my torso is the size of your eyelash. leave me alone! a lovely old man at church referred to me as "fatso" for a while. this was until i looked at him and said, "well, i am pregnant. what's your excuse?" a bit mean, maybe? but really. come on!

all venting aside, who knew that being pregnant would teach you such patience with people and they're lameness? i think it must be part of the design. i'm gonna have to have A TON of patience once she gets here. believe me. any offspring of mine and chris will probably need lots and lots of patience!

other than that *which really only drive me crazy the closer i get to the end* it's been pretty amazing. when she's dancing around inside, chris and i can't help but marvel at the fact that there is an ACTUAL human inside. God already has this amazing plan for her. she has a personality, a smile, an attitude that will likely get her in trouble one day, and a future that i can't even imagine. i hate to think about how fast she'll grow up. how in the grand scheme of life, we have such a small amount of time with her.

i can't wait to have her here. i want to see what she looks like. who she she looks like. who's features i'm upset about her getting. if she'll have my AMAZING hair. if she'll have one eyebrow.... but mostly because i know that this has been the easy part. and i can't wait to see what happens next.

now, if i could only get her on board with coming soon....