i've made it thus far...

so no one told me that pain after actual extraction was worse the procedure itself.

i was FREAKING OUT like you wouldn't believe the whole way to the dentist, sitting in the waiting room, taking that last minute trip to the potty, and sitting in the chair waiting for it all to begin. really. i was shaking. i could hear my heart pounding in my head.

so i began to pray.

i prayed for it to be fast. i prayed to not feel anything. but mostly i prayed for DSO to be safe. for her not be hurt in any way by my stupid decision to never get this tooth pulled out before now.

and you know what? she was kicking me most of the time. i think she could pick up on those moments when i started to freak out, because that's when she started to kick. it was pretty cool.

so now, i'm praying more that the tylenol 3 and amoxicilin that they gave me really won't hurt her *like my ob and dentist said they wouldn't*, and that this soreness will be the worst pain that i feel.

on a happier note, i only have 2 cavities to worry about. however, he wants to take my other 3 wisdom teeth out. lame....

you get another letter...

while this post if more about me whining about my tooth having to come out, i'll give you a tidbit of baby for your fill... her first initial is d. DSO. that's her name. well for you anyway. i'm convinced that chris and i need to start saving for her future as a gymnast. at least, that's what it feels like her future will be.... i'm guess that everything is still okay considering my outrageous 4 full on meals yesterday, and that HORRIBLE heartburn last night. seriously. worse than morning sickness. it made me go back to my "this may the the only kid you ever get..." mentality. but, you know, i made it through. maybe not so many enchiladas for dinner next time?? but they were soooooooooo goooooooood....

okay. to my tooth. i'm coming out tomorrow. i've pretty much come to terms with it. but i'm still freaked out. mostly because i don't like pain. when i told my friend amy's mom that i was probably still gonna be curled up in a corner by monday, she said, "and what do you think is gonna happen when that baby comes out?" chris told her that i was looking at this as some sort of prep. she laughed.... but yeah. it'll be okay. i know it will be. then come thursday night, it'll be all over with, and i'll just look forward to after DSO comes and they can put me to sleep for the rest of them to come out.

ugh, total suck.

chris gets stuck with all the ladies...

we're having a girl. yay!!!!!!!

actually, i would have been happy regardless, but i was pretty convinced that she was a girl already. after we found out chris told me that he was pretty sure the baby was a girl too. she has a name, and we call her by it already. for now though, you all will still know her as _SO. she'll have her dad's middle name. my mom thinks it's crazy, but i kinda really like that i get to give the name to a girl.

on another, not so nice note.... i need a wisdom tooth pulled. talk about the suck.

you see, i've been too scared to go to the dentist *even though i've had insurance for about 5 years now* because i KNOW that my wisdom teeth need to come out. but, you know, i'm scared! the lower left one bothers me every so often, but i can usually power through the 3 or 4 days it'll hurt during those 4 or 5 times a year that it hurts.

fast forward to this monday. the pain came back. i didn't think too much of it, since, i FINALLY made dentist appointments for us for 2 weeks from now.

anywho, monday night i looked at said tooth. to space you details, it wasn't pretty. i called the dentist the ob on tuesday morning and she said to check with the dentist. so, i go to the dentist. he wants the tooth out. apparently there is bacteria pooling in my back there gums. thus being dangerous for the little girl in my uterus. ergo, i need to get it out....

but, that means i get only local anesthetic and not the strongest drugs for after.

i keep reminding myself that it's more important for me to deal with the pain than for _SO to be healthier during her time inside.

oi. to be a mother....

this just gets stranger and stranger.....

so the baby moves all the time. well, maybe not all the time, but enough for me to look down and say to it, "what are you doing in there?!?!?"

but, you know, the movement makes me feel better about the growing, so it's not too bad. speaking of growing, i totally am! as soon as i get a good picture at 20 weeks *also known as this coming saturday* i'll post it up. it's like in the last 5 days its starting to look like there's a baby in there. although, my mom was only really convinced after hearing the baby's heartbeat at the dr this week.

about the doctor, everything is growing fine. good strong heartbeat of 160, and growing totally normally at 19 weeks, also known as month 5. we totally know the gender, but i'm not gonna tell you until we've as least told every grandparent.

but, knowing all of this makes it really real. having seen a fully functioning heart, kidneys, brain, watching all the moving on that screen.... i mean, this is really happening!

the times, they are a-change-in....

there really is no other way to start this.

readers. we're having a baby. it's true.

and, i'm pretty sure we have no idea what we're doing. i'm looking at all these reviews for baby stuff, and i'm totally lost. like, just because this person like this crib but this person doesn't, should i like it? or be unsure about it? and you need a bassinet too? but only for a little while, right? then there are all these requirement other people have about what you should and shouldn't do. oi vey....

this is all too much to think about.

plus, i'm getting fatter. it's the good kind of fat. you know the kind that means your doing something good. at the same time, i've spent my whole like trying not to gain any weight. which, for an over weight mexican girl is pretty freakin hard. although, i like to think that for the last few years, i've been pretty good at it. but since i started out, you know, not skinny, i keep wondering if i look pregnant. chris tells me i do. my family tells me i do. and i KNOW my pants no longer fit. but, i mean, all those skinny girls actually LOOK PREGNANT. i think i just look a bit fatter. but not in my face. oh, please let me gain weight everywhere else, but not in my face!

the other thing, which is even greater than the weight part is this constant worry about whether or not the baby is okay. i haven't really felt the baby yet, i don't think. or maybe i have and i just don't know it! so i worry. although, i'm probably the biggest worrier you'll ever meet anyway. but, then the hunger hits me. it's like a hunger that i have never known. and it happens every day. this hunger reminds me that the baby is probably okay. that and the random crying.

mostly though, i sit and look at chris, then at my belly, smile, and say, "what in the world are we doing???"