holy cow, it's been forever!!

let me just say, i've been a mom for almost 3 months. hence the lack of blogging. DSO is officially Daphne Scott O. she's soooooo pretty. i'll try to post some pictures soon. for now, i'm just happy to be typing, finally!!!

it's been an INCREDIBLY tough road. like, "why in the heck did we decide to do this?!?!" tough. but becoming better. the rough days aren't so often. i'm only crying maybe once a week instead of, like, everyday. and i think we have a happy, chatty girl on our hands.

let me start at the beginning. after having to be induced 4 days past my due date, being in pretend labor for 18 hours, having a c-section, being in a recovery room for 6 hours due to blood loss, being put in a room near the OR in case i needed to back in, then finally getting our own room THE NEXT DAY, i should have known the road would be harder than expected.

readers, i was blinded to reality by my pretty, pretty girl.

first off, recovery was a word i shouldn't say. i was finally walking more like me and less like Frankenstein at about 4-5 weeks postpartum. makes for losing weight kinda crappy. chris was AMAZING. he took care of daphne and took care of me like a champion. every single day i praise the Lord for the wonderful husband and father chris is. i have a new found appreciation for single moms and pray for them all the time.

secondly, breastfeeding. another thing that is a word i shouldn't say. at almost 3 months, it's HARD. i keep wondering what it's supposed to feel like. i'm pretty sure i'm not supposed to have sore boobs all day. get ready for some over sharing... between my short nipples, daphne's shallow latch, and lazy suck, nursing can take anywhere between 45 minutes to an hour. with about an hour and a half break (IF i can get her to nap), then we're at it again. i decided to pump and bottle feed her breast milk, but that attempt only lead to my milk supply dropping like crazy. and, the more often daphne got bottles, the more upset she would become. oi. so, we're back at breastfeeding every 2.5 to 3 hours. i will say, i've pretty much made our Netflix subscription beyond worth it. i'm currently watching about 4-5 episodes of Felicity each day. i'm made a conscious decision to enjoy breastfeeding even through the pain and frustration. it's still quite a struggle, but we're getting *a bit* better.

thirdly, naping and a routine. what is that? like, for real. she's been sleeping through the night since about 3 weeks old. yes, i do thank God for that. just in the last 4 weeks or so she's sleep for about 7 hours before i feed her, sleep for another 3 hours, then be up for the day. thus, i'm typing at 6:45am.keep in mind that while she sleeps that long, i still get maybe 5-6 hours of sleep in a 24 period. during the day time, getting her down for a nap pretty much sucks. we have to do all manner of bouncing, rocking, singing, shoving pacifiers in her mouth, swaddling, unswaddling for about 20-30 minutes before she goes down. then i eat, run to the bathroom, drink some water (lots because who know when i can again), cry a little because i'm tired, and pray that she at least sleeps for a half hour. i'm lucky if we can get 2-3 naps out of her. some days, it's just one... needless to say, we're working on these things. we have like 3-4 good days, then she changes the rules on us. such a girl.

although, we may have turned a new leaf. as with everything, though, it's not without drama.

she found her thumb this past saturday. and she likes it. she has gone to sleep on her own at 3 times since her discovery, and even comforts herself back to sleep at night with it. i'm torn. you see, one can take away a pacifier. i can't take away her thumb. i've been trying to pull her thumb out and slip her pacifier in, but it just makes her very, very mad. she's never been a fan of the pacifer, and i'm coming to realize that she really won't like them now. but hey, SHE GOT HERSELF TO SLEEP. i mean, remember what i said one paragraph ago? exactly.

but, you know, i love my little girl. now that we're gotten somewhat better with her feedings an are getting her sleep a bit more, she's really quite a happy little girl with a cheerful disposition. she smiles all the time, and is super chatty. she LOVES to sit and talk to dad, and interact with us. she likes to grab her toys and try to get them into her mouth. she's learning to enjoy tummy time a bit more. she likes to make sure we're looking at her and paying attention to her. and as insane as our life has become, it's starting to feel more and more normal. chris is still learning to be okay with the fact that leaving the house takes at least twice as long as it used to. and that we have to carry all sorts of things with us when we do. but, we're so happy. we have such a cute little family.

i  just keep reminding myself that there's a learning curve to being a mom. and an even bigger one for learning to be alive.

so, i think i'll let you take all of that in, and i'll get something to eat before my crazy and fun day begins.