i cried the whole way home from school today

it's true. i totally did.

i mean, I'M FINISHING GRAD SCHOOL!!!

i likened it to when mothers cry after giving birth. yeah, know i don't have kids, but i imagine its because you just can't believe what you have, and what you did, and what you created.

that's what my MSW kinda is for me. although, it totally would have been nice to only have 9 months of school... but, yeah, it's kinda emotional. i've been so stressed about my homework *and i still have this paper that i'm supposed to be writing. in my defense, it's organized in my head* that the hugeness of this hasn't really hit me.

all of the friends i've made... i won't get to see them twice a week anymore. the internships i've had... i'm actually going to have to work more than 16 hours a week. the school i've invested so much time *& money* into... i won't ever need to drive those 43 miles 4 times a week. all the sitting in front of a computer... i won't have assignments anymore.

all this time, energy, emotion, lack of sleep, brain power, anger, frustration, fear, joy... it's becoming something. 11 days from now, it will all be over. and it will all be a distant memory...

heck, yes, is that something to cry over!!

so graduation is two weeks and one day away...

and my eyes are tired of looking at the computer. i'm tired of thinking about the same three therapy models. and i'm tired of looking at the rubric for this HORRID paper. i promise i'm not exaggerating. i'm really glad that they saved this paper for the last, or i might have dropped out a few semesters ago. the good thing is that after this paper, i only really have one. sure, i need to type like a maniac to get them both done when i want, but i'm pretty sure i'll be okay.

besides, UPS delivered something magical today. MY CAP, GOWN, AND HOOD. yeah, i'm pretty much official. only these two papers in my way. and my thesis project poster. but, i got some fabulous help from my pretty friend, miss baldwin. i heart kindergarten teachers. so, besides all that, and the two weeks and one day...

i'm almost there!!! thank the LORD!!!!

i'm home sick, doing homework, and t minus 31 days 'til graduation

i hate homework. i really do. i keep going back to my life at this same point of each semester, and for some reason, this kinds feels worse.

it's like, you know when you have to pee? and you don't really think about it too much. until you get closer to a restroom. you can see the restroom in your head. then, you can actually see the restroom. then, you see crowds of people between you and the restroom. and a line. don't forget the line. eventually, you know you'll pass the crowds, stand like a normal person that line, and actually make it to your final, awaited stall.

it's kind like that. i can see the end point. i can see the crowds and the line. and i feel like it mike be a little dicey on time, but i know i'll make it.

then, i think about the fact that in 31 days i will be done. this thing that i've been struggling through for the last 2 years will be completed, and i'll be left looking back. i think that's the part i'm most interested about. the part where life goes on. you see, chris and i had this plan. and it isn't looking like it's panning out. which is totally fine. you know, re-evaluation is totally okay.

but, you see, i got these two super beautiful invitations in the mail. one, for a friend's wedding *that i totally can't go to. tre sad!* and another for my bff's baby shower *eeeee!!*. they were like this reminder that life totally goes on beyond grad school. i mean, i know, subconsciously that it does, but still.

i haven't really thought about it. in the real sense. as opposed to the dream/hope sense. as in, i really need to get a job, or i'll be sitting at home doing nothing. i kinda knew this, but i mean, FOR REALS. outside of all of the billion weddings i'm going to this year *and the baby shower that i can't wait to attend!*, i have no real, actual, constant, concrete plans.

it's kinda scary.