i'm home sick, doing homework, and t minus 31 days 'til graduation

i hate homework. i really do. i keep going back to my life at this same point of each semester, and for some reason, this kinds feels worse.

it's like, you know when you have to pee? and you don't really think about it too much. until you get closer to a restroom. you can see the restroom in your head. then, you can actually see the restroom. then, you see crowds of people between you and the restroom. and a line. don't forget the line. eventually, you know you'll pass the crowds, stand like a normal person that line, and actually make it to your final, awaited stall.

it's kind like that. i can see the end point. i can see the crowds and the line. and i feel like it mike be a little dicey on time, but i know i'll make it.

then, i think about the fact that in 31 days i will be done. this thing that i've been struggling through for the last 2 years will be completed, and i'll be left looking back. i think that's the part i'm most interested about. the part where life goes on. you see, chris and i had this plan. and it isn't looking like it's panning out. which is totally fine. you know, re-evaluation is totally okay.

but, you see, i got these two super beautiful invitations in the mail. one, for a friend's wedding *that i totally can't go to. tre sad!* and another for my bff's baby shower *eeeee!!*. they were like this reminder that life totally goes on beyond grad school. i mean, i know, subconsciously that it does, but still.

i haven't really thought about it. in the real sense. as opposed to the dream/hope sense. as in, i really need to get a job, or i'll be sitting at home doing nothing. i kinda knew this, but i mean, FOR REALS. outside of all of the billion weddings i'm going to this year *and the baby shower that i can't wait to attend!*, i have no real, actual, constant, concrete plans.

it's kinda scary.