i cried the whole way home from school today

it's true. i totally did.

i mean, I'M FINISHING GRAD SCHOOL!!!

i likened it to when mothers cry after giving birth. yeah, know i don't have kids, but i imagine its because you just can't believe what you have, and what you did, and what you created.

that's what my MSW kinda is for me. although, it totally would have been nice to only have 9 months of school... but, yeah, it's kinda emotional. i've been so stressed about my homework *and i still have this paper that i'm supposed to be writing. in my defense, it's organized in my head* that the hugeness of this hasn't really hit me.

all of the friends i've made... i won't get to see them twice a week anymore. the internships i've had... i'm actually going to have to work more than 16 hours a week. the school i've invested so much time *& money* into... i won't ever need to drive those 43 miles 4 times a week. all the sitting in front of a computer... i won't have assignments anymore.

all this time, energy, emotion, lack of sleep, brain power, anger, frustration, fear, joy... it's becoming something. 11 days from now, it will all be over. and it will all be a distant memory...

heck, yes, is that something to cry over!!

so graduation is two weeks and one day away...

and my eyes are tired of looking at the computer. i'm tired of thinking about the same three therapy models. and i'm tired of looking at the rubric for this HORRID paper. i promise i'm not exaggerating. i'm really glad that they saved this paper for the last, or i might have dropped out a few semesters ago. the good thing is that after this paper, i only really have one. sure, i need to type like a maniac to get them both done when i want, but i'm pretty sure i'll be okay.

besides, UPS delivered something magical today. MY CAP, GOWN, AND HOOD. yeah, i'm pretty much official. only these two papers in my way. and my thesis project poster. but, i got some fabulous help from my pretty friend, miss baldwin. i heart kindergarten teachers. so, besides all that, and the two weeks and one day...

i'm almost there!!! thank the LORD!!!!

i'm home sick, doing homework, and t minus 31 days 'til graduation

i hate homework. i really do. i keep going back to my life at this same point of each semester, and for some reason, this kinds feels worse.

it's like, you know when you have to pee? and you don't really think about it too much. until you get closer to a restroom. you can see the restroom in your head. then, you can actually see the restroom. then, you see crowds of people between you and the restroom. and a line. don't forget the line. eventually, you know you'll pass the crowds, stand like a normal person that line, and actually make it to your final, awaited stall.

it's kind like that. i can see the end point. i can see the crowds and the line. and i feel like it mike be a little dicey on time, but i know i'll make it.

then, i think about the fact that in 31 days i will be done. this thing that i've been struggling through for the last 2 years will be completed, and i'll be left looking back. i think that's the part i'm most interested about. the part where life goes on. you see, chris and i had this plan. and it isn't looking like it's panning out. which is totally fine. you know, re-evaluation is totally okay.

but, you see, i got these two super beautiful invitations in the mail. one, for a friend's wedding *that i totally can't go to. tre sad!* and another for my bff's baby shower *eeeee!!*. they were like this reminder that life totally goes on beyond grad school. i mean, i know, subconsciously that it does, but still.

i haven't really thought about it. in the real sense. as opposed to the dream/hope sense. as in, i really need to get a job, or i'll be sitting at home doing nothing. i kinda knew this, but i mean, FOR REALS. outside of all of the billion weddings i'm going to this year *and the baby shower that i can't wait to attend!*, i have no real, actual, constant, concrete plans.

it's kinda scary.

7 weeks?

can you believe that's about all that's left for grad school?

i can't.

and the homework. SO. MUCH. HOMEWORK.

i've been attempting to get it done, but i can't seem to bring myself to write too much. it's like, my brain is tired of writing the same thing over and over again. and sometimes, it really does seem like the same thing over and over again! i mean, how many papers can one write about kinship care giving? apparently about 10!

i keep thinking about what it'll be like when i finish school. if i'll find a job. *i've already gotten 2 informal job offers* if i'll go back to being a trophy wife. if my house will actually be clean given i should have time to clean it. if chris will find the new job that he so much desires...

i think i'm stuck on the future without wanting to think about the present. i keep forgetting that i need work just as hard now in order to get what i want for the future.

but really, all i wanna do is sleep. yeah. i just want to sleep.

ummm, squeeeee!!!

i. can't. breathe.

could there be any more babies???

i mean, for real.

i know i posted a while ago about how i'm glad that chris and i are waiting to start our family, but still. my facebook page is COVERED by friends, or friends of friends, having babies. i was in the shower the other day and chris came into the bathroom and told me that a friend of his from work was having his second baby. this was after learsi told me that a friend of hers was having a baby.

i told chris that i didn't want to hear about any more people having babies.

then, i found out that an old friend of mine had given birth to her baby boy.

oi.

i don't think it helps that chris and i have pretty much every name we like already picked out and written down. yeah, we totally do. and no, i won't tell you.

this will have to suffice in the cuteness department for now...

rubi, the great

i love my dog. she's so cute and pretty. and she's the perfect size. she's only 18 pounds, but her personality is like that of a 120 pound dog. she's super feisty, but really sweet too.

i heart rubi.

this weekend i was lucky enough to get to spend the whole weekend with her. you see, once chris and i got married, she had to stay behind and live with my parents. which, was supremely sad. but, after my parents moved last month, we needed to find a new place for her. enter chris' wonderful aunt, ruthie. she's super great. she is letting us keep rubi wither her, and rubi is probably more spoiled than she ever was before. the thing that sucks is that ruthie's lame neighbors complain about rubi's barking *ummm, hello, she's a dog* but if you ask rubi, that's probably the best part because now she sleeps inside. lucky girl.

but, aside from the fun i've had laying on the couch with her, and doing my homework with her staring at me, i've had the most fun during sleep time.

chris' grand plan of having her sleep in the rooom with us, but on the floor totally didn't work.

guess who spent two whole nights huddled up against her favorite irish man. not me. i was up against the cold wall.

oh rubi. she really is the best.