today is my dad's 58th birthday.

this is me and my dad on my wedding day. he's a really cool dude. like, for real. when i was little, he would take me with him to work in the summer time, and let me go through stacks of paper making who knows what. and, whenever i see a McDonald's i totally think of him because he would always take me after school on a rainy day. and he still always makes fun of me because i always order the #2. and you know what? i still do.

but mostly, my dad is a cool dude because he's such a great dad. really. you see, my dad has been a pastor since he was about 18 years old. that means he's been in the "church business" for 40 years. yeah. 40. but you know, he was always there.

i remember when he'd go on trips for church, he would mail learsi and i letters. even if he was gone for, like, 3 or 4 days. they would always be about how much he missed us and couldn't wait to come home to see us. and, when i was in high school, he was still the senior pastor at church, had an outside job, and was still willing to be a member of the band boosters. yes, i was in band. and, in college, he helped me move a fridge, dressers, and my bed into my first apartment. and he didn't get *too* disappointed when i came back home after my freshman year because i lost my scholarships. okay, well maybe he was pretty disappointed, but he showed me what forgiveness was.

he's always told be that i'm beautiful, and has never made me feel like anything less than amazing. and, when i told him that my grad school graduation might ruin his plans for speaking at the Pepperdine Pastoral Lectures *which is a pretty awesome thing*, he said, "don't be sorry. you're graduating. that's more important."

the moral of the story is that i am me because i've had such a great dad. plus, i have a pretty amazing mom and sister, but it's not their birthday today! he's always sought God's plan for his life, and the life of his family. he loves unconditionally, and he doesn't beat around the bush when he gives advice.

but the greatest thing i learned from my dad was to love Jesus. not just to say you love Jesus, but to really be all in and love completely. this is what my dad does, and who my dad is. he loves Jesus above all things, and seeks to glorify Him in all that he does. and that is was makes my dad so cool.

*besos*

i will not be upset. i made my choice.

more like, we made our choice....

i went to Babies R Us today. that store is like crack for a girl who wants to have a baby. i can only imagine how insane it is when you actually do have kids.

no, i didn't go to torture myself, i actually had to buy a gift for a friend. but really, the cute little pacifiers, baby lotions, ducky onesies, and BABY SACKS... yeah, i literally had to get what was on the registry list, pay, and run out of the store.

then, when i came home, chris wanted to watch a movie on Wii. Babies. really?? did you not hear about the fact that Babies R Us made my uterus hurt??? those babies were super cute, and well, yeah....

but you know, i'm glad that we decided to go about things this way. i love grad school. i love my friends, both old and new. and, i love that i get to have at least 2, if not 3, years where i don't have to share my husband with anyone.

*besos*

there's truth. then there's truth.

it's true!! i really do suck at blogging!

ps... thank you, marisa for pointing out that i haven't blogged in 283092830923.2 years.

anywho, i was dripping sweat buckets in class tonight. i remembered to drink lots of water today, and even though it was raining and i was stuck in traffic on my way home, i didn't have to pee. well, as much. i think my body is getting used to all that water.

i don't know if i weigh any less, as i'm scared of scales. did i ever mention that last semester we started a "biggest loser" in my MSW program? well, we extended it twice because it seems that we aren't very good at losing weight. lets hope that we're better at helping people and society.... but, my pants all fit better. and i went down to a size 8 at american eagle.

however... i was measured for my bridesmaid dress last week. (my dear friend, nancy, who i've known my whole life, *really*, asked me to be in her wedding next march). back to my story. so, i was measured as 16 chest, 18 waist, 12 hips.

really?!?! am i really that huge of a cow?? nothing against cows. i love them. especially the little baby ones. but, i mean, come on!!!

so, i ordered a 16. did i mention that i'm down to a size 8 jean?

yeah. i don't know what size i am. and i know that wedding junk runs small, and not all companies have the same sizing chart, but really. talk about wanting to cry! then i proceeded to eat sushi after to make me feel better.

*besos*

drink enough???

did you know that you're supposed to drink half of your body weight in ounces everyday?? seriously. that's a ton of water.

today at school we had a meeting with an accreditor for the MSW program. during this meeting i was sitting next to my super cool friend marisa, when we looked up to see sheryl *another super cool friend* and her eternal supply of water bottles. okay, so maybe it was only 1 big one and 3 little ones. but she was on her way to get another water bottle! and, i swear she only had like 2 bottle when we got there.

either way, i realized that i need to add another thing to my list of what i need to do. DRINK MORE WATER!

well, i did. i had 4 bottles today. and i don't know that i can handle it. i mean, really. during field seminar *which is pretty sucky, by the way* i had to get up like 5 times to go pee. okay, maybe i just went twice during class and once after class. but, i was pretty much dying to get into the house after my 1 hour drive home.

however, in my cardio class tonite *which kicked my butt, by the way* i felt really good. and now, my head doesn't hurt. and actually still feel pretty fantastic.

but that leads me to think about the Living Water, and how that satiates more than my body. it satiates my soul.

Jesus said to her, "Everyone who drinks the of this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks of the water that I give him will never be thirsty again. The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up eternal life."
John 4:13 & 14

so you see Jesus is, like, the perfect water. because, as i totally proved today, the water i drink makes me have to pee. then i get thirsty and drink more. and the cycle perpetuates itself. but with Christ, the filled doesn't go away. and that, my friends, is Awesome!

i kinda like this. oh, i'm going on a tangent now. if my needing to lose weight gets me to read my Bible more and seek Christ's word more.. then hey! bring on the muscle pain and salads!

*besos*

i ordered a teriyaki plate for lunch today...

does it matter that i ate more of the salad that the rice and chicken? or that i tried really hard to scrape the sauce??? at least when i came home, chris and i went for a 2 mile walk, and then had Subway for dinner. i didn't even put cheese or mayo on the sandwich!! oi vey....

let me start with this...

for God gave us a spirit not of fear, but of power and love and self-control.

2 Timothy 1:7

when i was around 21 or 22, i started having these crazy panic attacks. it was horrible. i can still remember the very first one. my mom had me look up this verse, and it comforted me. but you know, i'm still scared of everything. even though i know that through Christ, i don't have a spirit of fear.

so, i guess it's the same with my self-control. i try! but, you know, i'm sinful. we all are. you know that dinner i had? i'm hungry. i'm trying really hard not to eat anything right now. and you know what's stopping me? the fact that i have to take those pills before i go to bed. not my desire to lose weight or to be healthy, but the reminder of my health concerns. why does the brain always function so retroactively??

if i had more self-control, maybe i wouldn't be here. maybe the real issue is that i want too much control and forget that God is really the one who controls me. maybe that's what i need to remember.

*besos*

it has come to my attention that i pretty much suck at blogging...

mostly, it's because i really don't feel like talking about school on a blog.

so i have something else that i need to talk about.

my quest.

i need to lose weight.

yeah, we all do. i know, i know. but i really need to. my life, the future of my family depends on it. really. i mean, one day, hopefully in the not so distant future, i might be privileged enough to become a mother. on the way there though, i'll have to be an incubator. i need to be a healthy incubator.

but really, i want to be healthy. my whole adult life i've struggled with my weight. and, you know, it's really frustrating. i'm not huge, but i have that annoying muffin top in certain pants (and skirts!). my blood pressure and cholesterol is elevated, and i'm on meds. i'm 27! i really shouldn't be here!

so, tonight in my Body Sculpting Workout class, i decided that this would be the new journey in which you all could join me on. it might not be fun all the time, but in my true leilani fashion, i have a goal and a plan on how to get there.

1. i will try to be in bed by 11pm every night
2. i will work out 3-4 times a week (which shouldn't be too hard because i'm paying for classes, and you know i'm getting my money's worth!)
3. i'm going to lay off the chips, pasta, rice, teriyaki (no!)... pretty much everything i know is bad.
4. i will eat more fruit and vegetables
5. i will work diligently on my school work on order to finish assignments early, so that i won't be up until 3am the night before things are do

for now, i think i'm doing pretty well. but, i count it starting now. so, i will try to blog each day, so that everyone will be able to keep tabs on me, and keep me accountable to what i said i was going to do.

*besos*