i ordered a teriyaki plate for lunch today...

does it matter that i ate more of the salad that the rice and chicken? or that i tried really hard to scrape the sauce??? at least when i came home, chris and i went for a 2 mile walk, and then had Subway for dinner. i didn't even put cheese or mayo on the sandwich!! oi vey....

let me start with this...

for God gave us a spirit not of fear, but of power and love and self-control.

2 Timothy 1:7

when i was around 21 or 22, i started having these crazy panic attacks. it was horrible. i can still remember the very first one. my mom had me look up this verse, and it comforted me. but you know, i'm still scared of everything. even though i know that through Christ, i don't have a spirit of fear.

so, i guess it's the same with my self-control. i try! but, you know, i'm sinful. we all are. you know that dinner i had? i'm hungry. i'm trying really hard not to eat anything right now. and you know what's stopping me? the fact that i have to take those pills before i go to bed. not my desire to lose weight or to be healthy, but the reminder of my health concerns. why does the brain always function so retroactively??

if i had more self-control, maybe i wouldn't be here. maybe the real issue is that i want too much control and forget that God is really the one who controls me. maybe that's what i need to remember.

*besos*