it's almost the new year

as in, in two days.... how insane is that???

but, i'm back on my wagon. the weight loss one. not the school one. don't remind me of the school one. i've been having too much fun wedding planning and not going to school. you see, one of my dearest, super bestie friends got engaged in the past two weeks, and is getting married in a month. super crazy! she wants her mamma to be able to be there with her, so we're all along for the ride! please pray for my dear friend and her family.

while i love her, and am super happy that we found her the MOST AMAZING dress yesterday, this is not the point of my post. sorry, sweetheart!

for Christmas, i got the Wii Fit Plus from my fabulous in-laws. and, i got Wii Dance Party 2 from my fabulous husband. don't worry. they weren't trying to tell me something. i asked for the Wii Fit, and chris knows that i like to dance. but, those things are probably the funnest weight loss tools i've found yet!

i've created a 20 minute yoga and strength training routine *that i still haven't actually done* that seems fun. all the other works outs have been pretty cool. and, i hurt the next day, so that's good, yes? and last night, after realizing that i might have to be in front of about 100 people in a pretty dress quite soon, i did about 25 minutes of ab and arm work outs. it hurts to do anything today.

oh! and i started a calorie counting journal yesterday. i ate about 1500 calories, and burned about 200 yesterday. did you know that the wraps at Chik-Fil-A has about twice as many calories as their chicken nuggets??? i know!

it's all pretty tedious. but, i guess hard work is where the difference lies. here's to a healthier 2011!

ps... i'm 3/4 of the way through grad school

yay!!!!

chris is convinced that not only am i a different person once school is done. but our whole house is completely different. i have not sat at the kitchen table with the laptop since wednesday night. honestly. i'm on the desktop right now.

but, as i enter my vacation, i realize how odd if feels to not have any papers to write. or articles to research. or class to attend. or internship to go to.

i'm a trophy wife again. well, at least for two weeks. and darn it, it feels good.

i would like to share with you my homework list...

Organizational & Behavioral Managment
*no assignments due

Human Rights & Sustainable Development
*no assignments due

Advanced Clinical Practice
*no assignments due

Advance Community Practice
-Needs Assessment
-portfolio and presentation: DUE 12/16

Field Seminar
-Capstone Proposal: DUE 12/16

i have written over 87 pages of information in the last two and a half weeks. and i still have about 20 to go.

but then i'll be 3/4 of the way to the MSW...

it's friday night... and i'm tired of homework

i don't think people realize how random social work is. like, real social work, anyway... it's random. like, today, all day, i stuffed envelopes. why? fundraising. yeah, that's social work. gotta keep those non-profits running!

also today, i had a great conversation about my Capstone, thesis-like project with my internship agency's Director of Development. he's a pretty cool guy. anywho, we came up with this plan for my project to a dual city fundraiser, hoping to raise 50k. yeah, $50,000. i would be fine raising $10.

not only does this assignment seem waaaaaay daunting, but it sounds pretty amazing. you see, the funds would go to the agency's program for kinship caregivers. people who take in children you aren't their own, relative or not. so, the program is really important. and raising funds for it to run would be great.

the amazing thing, though, is that they trust me with this plan. i mean, hi, i'm the msw intern... yeah, this is not my real job. but oh if it could be!

so, you see social work is really random. but, it's amazing random. i love it. i'm so happy with my choice in going back to school. even if i am dying trying to get all my assignments done. but still, i can't wait to go out into the world and use this knowledge to create good for others.

two classes down... 3 to go

i think about it, and i see all the assignments that i still have to do, and i wonder how i can think its manageable.. i can't even celebrate the fact that i'm ALL DONE with two classes. hello! did anyone else read that? I FINISHED TWO CLASSES WORTH OF ASSIGNMENTS. thank you.

i live on breaks. i live on funny faces. i live on random videos of dogs with shoes. i live on knowing that other are praying for me. i live on the prayer that i'm doing myself. i live on the knowledge that did this twice last year. i live on the knowledge that i only need to sit at this kitchen table for just one more week. i live on that vision i have of me walking across a stage with tons of may very favorite people yelling my name.

mostly though, i live on the fact that this is all for some purpose bigger than me. i live on the knowledge that i'm being shaped and molded for something greater. that there are plans for my life that i don't know about yet, but somehow, all of this is preparing me for it.

you remember how i wasn't going to make my blog all school-ish?

and i totally did?

sorry. my life is consumed with school right now. and, i currently writing about adjustment disorder.

i LOVE to diagnose people with adjustment disorder. and my people, i mean case studies about people who i will never meet.

but, the reason i love adjustment disorder is because it's so random. not only that, but EVERYONE has it at least 15 times in life. for real. okay, well maybe not for real, but still. it's only diagnosable if it lasts between 3 to 6 months. and, is brought up by a major life stressor. granted, to be diagnosed your response to said stressor needs to greatly impair your life...

but uh, who has never had a major life stressor where your life suddenly feels like you just can't go on because of one thing that happened? umm, i have!

i feel like i'm living in a perpetual state of adjustment disorder.

chris and i were just talking about how i only have one semester and 2 weeks left of grad school. *yay* but, i thought about it... in the last three years i have gotten engaged, deferred grad school a year, gotten married, quite a job, started grad school, interned with attorneys for a year, spent a fund a wild summer all over the place, started interning with an administrative regional director of a state wide agency, been given more responsibility than i think i can handle, both in school and out of school.

my role has changed so much in the last three years. i mean, somewhere along the line i became a leader, a student, a professional, a confidant, a best friend, an expert... it's constant adjustment. and, i know i don't really meet all the criteria for adjustment disorder, but still, it sometimes feels like i do.

so, school will be done in two weeks. then it'll be back to bigger and more crazy things at my internship. then in may i'll be able to say that i completed grad school. job? parenthood? who knows!

but, i do know that there will be more adjusting to be had.

tonight was amazing!

not only did the symposium run smoothly, but i'm one assignment closer to the end.

our advanced community practice class was given a Community Change Assignment on the first day of class. so, we decided to have a symposium. a symposium on poverty. to educate people about what poverty looks like, and why it matters to everyone.

went we came up with the idea, i don't think anyone though about all the work we needed to put into it, or what the final product would be. we wanted a panel of speakers, plus some sort of survey, plus something else...

flash forward to tonight.

after all those weeks of preparation, we actually pulled it off. not only did we get an AMAZING panel *who, by the way gave excellent presentations, and are totally experts in their field*, but we had ALMOST 80 people there. yeah. 80!

our professor was in awe about the fact that we pulled it off. dude, i think we were all in awe!

it was fabulous. really. all the hard work. all the last minute stress. and people came, enjoyed it, and left educated.

yeah, grad school rocks.

oh, and... i met with one of my professors about that 20 page management paper. she basically thinks that i have great writing skills, and that my paper was a "pleasure to read." that's great, since my internship expects on me to write grants!

my brain won't funtion...

really... i don't know what it is. i'm tired of typing. i'm tired of thinking about management theories. did i mention that since tuesday, 11/23, i have been working on only one paper. okay. so every now and then work on a grant, chat on facebook *which i need to stop doing*, and im a bit *also something i need to stop doing*... but it's like, i don't know, i can't type anymore... at least nothing meaningful.

the wost part is that i have A TON of knowledge about what i need to write about. but for some reason, i just can't do it. although, i have managed to get through more of my paper than i thought i would over thanksgiving.

but still. according to my planner i'm supposed to be practically finished with this paper. hey, i'm more than half way there, so i guess that's okay...

oi, i really need to get back to writing..

diligence, leilani! diligence!!

i'm blogging as i should be doing this...

my homework...

just so you can get an appreciation of what my life will look like for the next couple of weeks....

Organizational & Behavioral Management
*Case Analysis, 15-20 pages
Due 11/30
*Case Analysis Presentation
Due 12/7

Human Rights and Sustainable Development
*Integrative Case Analysis, 12-15 pages
Due 12/14

Advanced Clinical Practice
*Integrative Case Analysis, 10-15 pages
Due 12/7
*Final
Due12/4

Advances Community Practice
*Community Change Project
Event on 11/30: Symposium on the Changing Faces of Poverty
*Needs Assessment: City of Santa Ana
-city official interview (due 12/7)
-agency visit (due 12/7)
-church interview (due 12/7)
-summary analysis of aged community
-self evaluation
-10 page paper
Due 12/16

Field Seminar
*Case Presentation
Due 12/2
*Final Reflection Summary
Due 12/16
*Macro Project Proposal, 10 pages
Due 12/16

not to mention the 20K grant proposal that i needs to finish writing for my internship. really?? yeah, really. this is why people with MSWs get paid the big bucks. actually, this is WHY people with MSWs should get paid the big bucks.

but you know, one day soon it will be May 7th, and i will cross that stage with my cap and gown, and super cool hood, with my "diploma" in hand. and i'll be Leilani O'Roark, MSW. and all of this will have been worth it. mark my words, all of this will have been worth it.

i have waaaaaay too much going on in my life

really. i have a whole load of assignments to do in the next 4 weeks. some which include interviews of official people who don't care to speak to a sad little MSW student. not that i'm sad, but still.

aside from the papers, presentation, and the symposium, i have A LOT on my plate.

i'm not complaining, though. mostly because of my wedding rings. because i'm happy and married? no. well, i am. but it's more than that.

chris had both my engagement ring and my wedding band engraved. on my engagement ring is, what i think is the most unwedding-y, unromantic verse... 2 Timothy 3:12, "Indeed, all you desire to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted." see? totally unromantic. on our wedding bands is Matthew 24:13, "But the one who endures to the end will be saved."

those are verses that have a major significance in my life these days. not only am i reminded of how my marriage is for God's glory, but i'm reminded of what Jesus did on the cross for me, and how i must be willing to give my life for Him. how being a Christian isn't all "you will have it all! just name it and claim it!" it's hard. people will be mean. they will hurt. but, God is sovereign over all things, and all work to His glory for those who love Him.

"But for you who fear my name, the sun of righteousness shall rise with healing in its wings. You shall go out leaping like calves from the stall. And you shall tread down the wicked, for they will be ashes under the soles of your feet, on the day when I act, says the LORD of hosts." Malachi 4:2&3

i didn't vote today.

on a happier note... i've been told i'm looking slimmer!

but really. yeah, i totally didn't vote today. yet another place where you need to change your name after getting married. i could have sworn that this was done when i got the new driver's license. but i guess not. and, i totally didn't mail the registration form in time. i know, i know, totally my fault.

but you know, i'm not really that upset with myself. mostly because there was no candidate for me to believe in.

i could go on and on about how i don't trust republicans or democrats, or politicians in general. yes, i have a BA in Political Science. but politics, the mud slinging kind just irks me. i love watching it work, and i love understanding the process, but campaigning drives me nuts. which is why i almost didn't want to vote.

mostly, though, i know God is in control of all things. so, whatever happens, He will work to his glory and for the good of those who love him.

*besos*

today is my dad's 58th birthday.

this is me and my dad on my wedding day. he's a really cool dude. like, for real. when i was little, he would take me with him to work in the summer time, and let me go through stacks of paper making who knows what. and, whenever i see a McDonald's i totally think of him because he would always take me after school on a rainy day. and he still always makes fun of me because i always order the #2. and you know what? i still do.

but mostly, my dad is a cool dude because he's such a great dad. really. you see, my dad has been a pastor since he was about 18 years old. that means he's been in the "church business" for 40 years. yeah. 40. but you know, he was always there.

i remember when he'd go on trips for church, he would mail learsi and i letters. even if he was gone for, like, 3 or 4 days. they would always be about how much he missed us and couldn't wait to come home to see us. and, when i was in high school, he was still the senior pastor at church, had an outside job, and was still willing to be a member of the band boosters. yes, i was in band. and, in college, he helped me move a fridge, dressers, and my bed into my first apartment. and he didn't get *too* disappointed when i came back home after my freshman year because i lost my scholarships. okay, well maybe he was pretty disappointed, but he showed me what forgiveness was.

he's always told be that i'm beautiful, and has never made me feel like anything less than amazing. and, when i told him that my grad school graduation might ruin his plans for speaking at the Pepperdine Pastoral Lectures *which is a pretty awesome thing*, he said, "don't be sorry. you're graduating. that's more important."

the moral of the story is that i am me because i've had such a great dad. plus, i have a pretty amazing mom and sister, but it's not their birthday today! he's always sought God's plan for his life, and the life of his family. he loves unconditionally, and he doesn't beat around the bush when he gives advice.

but the greatest thing i learned from my dad was to love Jesus. not just to say you love Jesus, but to really be all in and love completely. this is what my dad does, and who my dad is. he loves Jesus above all things, and seeks to glorify Him in all that he does. and that is was makes my dad so cool.

*besos*

i will not be upset. i made my choice.

more like, we made our choice....

i went to Babies R Us today. that store is like crack for a girl who wants to have a baby. i can only imagine how insane it is when you actually do have kids.

no, i didn't go to torture myself, i actually had to buy a gift for a friend. but really, the cute little pacifiers, baby lotions, ducky onesies, and BABY SACKS... yeah, i literally had to get what was on the registry list, pay, and run out of the store.

then, when i came home, chris wanted to watch a movie on Wii. Babies. really?? did you not hear about the fact that Babies R Us made my uterus hurt??? those babies were super cute, and well, yeah....

but you know, i'm glad that we decided to go about things this way. i love grad school. i love my friends, both old and new. and, i love that i get to have at least 2, if not 3, years where i don't have to share my husband with anyone.

*besos*

there's truth. then there's truth.

it's true!! i really do suck at blogging!

ps... thank you, marisa for pointing out that i haven't blogged in 283092830923.2 years.

anywho, i was dripping sweat buckets in class tonight. i remembered to drink lots of water today, and even though it was raining and i was stuck in traffic on my way home, i didn't have to pee. well, as much. i think my body is getting used to all that water.

i don't know if i weigh any less, as i'm scared of scales. did i ever mention that last semester we started a "biggest loser" in my MSW program? well, we extended it twice because it seems that we aren't very good at losing weight. lets hope that we're better at helping people and society.... but, my pants all fit better. and i went down to a size 8 at american eagle.

however... i was measured for my bridesmaid dress last week. (my dear friend, nancy, who i've known my whole life, *really*, asked me to be in her wedding next march). back to my story. so, i was measured as 16 chest, 18 waist, 12 hips.

really?!?! am i really that huge of a cow?? nothing against cows. i love them. especially the little baby ones. but, i mean, come on!!!

so, i ordered a 16. did i mention that i'm down to a size 8 jean?

yeah. i don't know what size i am. and i know that wedding junk runs small, and not all companies have the same sizing chart, but really. talk about wanting to cry! then i proceeded to eat sushi after to make me feel better.

*besos*

drink enough???

did you know that you're supposed to drink half of your body weight in ounces everyday?? seriously. that's a ton of water.

today at school we had a meeting with an accreditor for the MSW program. during this meeting i was sitting next to my super cool friend marisa, when we looked up to see sheryl *another super cool friend* and her eternal supply of water bottles. okay, so maybe it was only 1 big one and 3 little ones. but she was on her way to get another water bottle! and, i swear she only had like 2 bottle when we got there.

either way, i realized that i need to add another thing to my list of what i need to do. DRINK MORE WATER!

well, i did. i had 4 bottles today. and i don't know that i can handle it. i mean, really. during field seminar *which is pretty sucky, by the way* i had to get up like 5 times to go pee. okay, maybe i just went twice during class and once after class. but, i was pretty much dying to get into the house after my 1 hour drive home.

however, in my cardio class tonite *which kicked my butt, by the way* i felt really good. and now, my head doesn't hurt. and actually still feel pretty fantastic.

but that leads me to think about the Living Water, and how that satiates more than my body. it satiates my soul.

Jesus said to her, "Everyone who drinks the of this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks of the water that I give him will never be thirsty again. The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up eternal life."
John 4:13 & 14

so you see Jesus is, like, the perfect water. because, as i totally proved today, the water i drink makes me have to pee. then i get thirsty and drink more. and the cycle perpetuates itself. but with Christ, the filled doesn't go away. and that, my friends, is Awesome!

i kinda like this. oh, i'm going on a tangent now. if my needing to lose weight gets me to read my Bible more and seek Christ's word more.. then hey! bring on the muscle pain and salads!

*besos*

i ordered a teriyaki plate for lunch today...

does it matter that i ate more of the salad that the rice and chicken? or that i tried really hard to scrape the sauce??? at least when i came home, chris and i went for a 2 mile walk, and then had Subway for dinner. i didn't even put cheese or mayo on the sandwich!! oi vey....

let me start with this...

for God gave us a spirit not of fear, but of power and love and self-control.

2 Timothy 1:7

when i was around 21 or 22, i started having these crazy panic attacks. it was horrible. i can still remember the very first one. my mom had me look up this verse, and it comforted me. but you know, i'm still scared of everything. even though i know that through Christ, i don't have a spirit of fear.

so, i guess it's the same with my self-control. i try! but, you know, i'm sinful. we all are. you know that dinner i had? i'm hungry. i'm trying really hard not to eat anything right now. and you know what's stopping me? the fact that i have to take those pills before i go to bed. not my desire to lose weight or to be healthy, but the reminder of my health concerns. why does the brain always function so retroactively??

if i had more self-control, maybe i wouldn't be here. maybe the real issue is that i want too much control and forget that God is really the one who controls me. maybe that's what i need to remember.

*besos*

it has come to my attention that i pretty much suck at blogging...

mostly, it's because i really don't feel like talking about school on a blog.

so i have something else that i need to talk about.

my quest.

i need to lose weight.

yeah, we all do. i know, i know. but i really need to. my life, the future of my family depends on it. really. i mean, one day, hopefully in the not so distant future, i might be privileged enough to become a mother. on the way there though, i'll have to be an incubator. i need to be a healthy incubator.

but really, i want to be healthy. my whole adult life i've struggled with my weight. and, you know, it's really frustrating. i'm not huge, but i have that annoying muffin top in certain pants (and skirts!). my blood pressure and cholesterol is elevated, and i'm on meds. i'm 27! i really shouldn't be here!

so, tonight in my Body Sculpting Workout class, i decided that this would be the new journey in which you all could join me on. it might not be fun all the time, but in my true leilani fashion, i have a goal and a plan on how to get there.

1. i will try to be in bed by 11pm every night
2. i will work out 3-4 times a week (which shouldn't be too hard because i'm paying for classes, and you know i'm getting my money's worth!)
3. i'm going to lay off the chips, pasta, rice, teriyaki (no!)... pretty much everything i know is bad.
4. i will eat more fruit and vegetables
5. i will work diligently on my school work on order to finish assignments early, so that i won't be up until 3am the night before things are do

for now, i think i'm doing pretty well. but, i count it starting now. so, i will try to blog each day, so that everyone will be able to keep tabs on me, and keep me accountable to what i said i was going to do.

*besos*

ps... my husband is hot,

~besos~

look. ma! new post!!!

so, here are a few things i've done this summer...

week number #1 of my vacation was insane. it started with a trip to Santa Maria to spend mother's day with my fave mama-san. that was fun. we ate, and went shopping. then we ate some more. sadly, thought, we came home to attend a funeral for a great aunt. we were able to see lots of family, though.

the following week, we drove to Phoenix with Nina (another great aunt). on the way there, in riverside, a tire *wheel and all* fell from the sky and hit my car. chris was driving while Nina and i were sleeping. it was insane. and my pooooor car. i need a new bumper. i felt so bad, like my car was in pain!
but, we made it to Phoenix, and had some much needed relaxation. Nina kept trying to get us to go out and have fun, but, really, lounging around on the couch was soooo much better! chris redid the front and back yards, and i layed out by the pool and cooked a lot. we miss Nina. can we go back now please??? on our way back we went up the 40 to Sedona, Flagstaff, hung out in Laughin for a bit, ate dinner in Barstow *never again*.. it was a good trip.

after that, we came home only to relax for a few days before heading back to Santa Maria for....... The Chapel Car!! i drove up with astrid *who drives waaay t fast* and amy. when we got to the in-laws house, we waited for my parents, who were hanging out in Santa Barbara, so we could have yummy dinner. the next day, after an early run walk, we embarked on the train. soooo fun!!! the message was good, the food was good, the company was good.... then, The Races. i don't like the races. too loud. but, at least i got to wear my super cute pink hearing protectors!!! highlight of the trip was the cute little piggy!!!!! *sigh* i want to steel him!

so, after that... i can't remember. i'm sure something happened the next weekend, because something is ALWAYS happening... when i remember, i'll get back to you.

but, for now, i'm looking forward to a) more tanning, b) joni's wedding, c) prisci's wedding, d) Resolved, e) our trip to Vegas!

~besos~

my new dream pet...

sigh...

*besos*

i've come to my blog just to look at those pictures.

that's all.

*besos*

squeeeeee!!!

*besos*

oh how life gets in the way

since my last blog post i have...

1) done 13 school assignments *papers, group presentations, other lame stuff*
2) taken the train to my internship downtown about 15 times *spending about 5 bucks each time*
3) lost a snail *miss you charlamayne!*
4) got a new snail *welcome to the family gilberto!*
5) seen rubi way too few times *sad*
6) slept not enough
7) gotten over EIGHT THOUSAND DOLLARS in grant money for clients
8) done far more research on any subject than i thought was humanly possible
9) resolved 15 cases
10) gone to my cousin's high school baseball game *along with dinner and fun kids doing strange things*
11) gone to an Easter sunrise service
12) watched countless strange movies with chris during dinner
13) been there for my dear friend during a scary health situation
14) bought *too many* new nail polishes
15) done my nails a ga-zillion times
16) done my friends' nails a ga-zillion times
17) not gone running as much as i should
18) gone to the hospital because chris had a strange migraine episode
19) been attacked by my nephews, sam, max, and aussie
20) bought new running shoes *that i still haven't used*
21) made really good friends in grad school
22) sang new songs in church on sunday
23) made plans to spend a week in arizona with chris' great aunt, nina *pray for her, please*
24) emailed lots of places to volunteer over the summer
25) thanked God everyday

life is constantly going. i wake up each morning and wonder when i'll be able to sleep in again. but then i think, i'm breathing, and that's awesome. i pray that in that *small* list of things i've done in the last 2 and a half months, i have been pleasing to God, and glorifying Him at all times.

*besos*

while everyone is enjoying gap...

i'm at home doing this....

not all of it, but just some stuff at the top of the page.

this is list of assignments for this semester.

*sigh*

~besos~

so it's been a year already!!!!

chris is totally awesome and got us a fun vacation to DISNEYLAND!!! we had a two night stay at The Grand Californian (a place i'd been dying to stay at!), and 3 day park hopper tickets to both disneyland and california adventures.

it was amazing!!!!

aside from the fact that i now have a fever that comes and goes and major body ache, eveything is perfect. i can't believe it's been a year already.

i'm so happy that this is my life.

*here are some fun highlights of our trip*